Follow-Up
Study Guide To:
Let’s Talk About It
Part 2 of 6 in the series “Getting Out Of The Doghouse”
April 26, 2009 Pastor Scott Oldenburgh
Passages to Read This Week
John 17, James 1 & 3 and
Proverbs 16:24
˛ MEET WITH YOUR SPOUSE AND LOOK AT
YOUR REGULAR SCHEDULE. This will be a strategy meeting, held on a regular
basis, to discuss your communication plans. Plan some time each day/week that the two of
you can be alone to talk, hang out, and get to know each other better. If possible, set up daily opportunities to debrief,
weekly opportunities to evaluate, and an emergency plan for dealing with
the big stuff. What do you think
could be the result if you and your spouse had a communication plan? Why is it better than just winging it? What do you think will happen to spontaneity
if you schedule these things? Will it go
away or increase?
˛ DATE NIGHT: This week schedule a
date night with your spouse. This can be
out of the house or home alone, with the kids away. Before the date, prepare a list of 5-7
questions that you do not know the answers to about your spouse - Some
examples: favorite vacation growing up, favorite memory of your parents, first
car, dream vacation spot for retirement, etc. At dinner, both spouses will use their
questions for one another to generate discussion. What happens when a couple makes a strategic
effort to get to know one another better? As future dates are planned, the Question
Cards can be a source of deeper conversation, which will in turn lead to deeper
intimacy of the couple.
˛ WAR ZONE STRATEGY: One of the realities of the military is that
soldiers can’t survive in combat without some sort of break. Eventually the constant battle will lead to
injury, poor performance, or even death. Many couples will describe their communication
as a War Zone because they are constantly fighting about things. This week it’s time to work on a smarter
strategy. Look over and discuss a
possible War Zone strategy with your spouse.
WAR ZONE STRATEGY
Commit to daily debriefings. This
is a regular opportunity to talk about your day, the kids, funny things (important),
and prayer concerns. This is not the
time to do battle.
PRINCIPLE
Home needs to be a safe place to
come back to.
Commit to weekly planning: What is the schedule for the week? Who is covering the responsibilities this
week? What can I expect from my spouse
this week in regards to time, help, and connection to the family?
PRINCIPLE
Good planning and a little bit of
organization will decrease the tension in the home.
SOME SUGGESTIONS
r When there is a big issue to be
discussed, make sure the kids are not around for the battle scene. They need to know that parents can argue, but
not always live in the battle.
r Give some time and/or space. Arguments are more rational and less emotional
if both spouses will agree to give a little time and space before they discuss
the issue.
r Avoid having big issue
discussions during stressful life events, overly crowded weeks, or on the spur
of the moment.
r What other rules could you
develop that might help you and your spouse resolve
some of the bigger, more heated topics?