Follow-Up Study Guide To:

I’m Sorry – I Was Wrong – I Forgive You
Part 1 of 6 in the series “Getting Out Of The Doghouse”

April 19, 2009 Pastor Scott Oldenburgh

Over the next 6 weeks, The Next Step guide will be a practical marriage tool to help teach the values of the sermon series. Each week there will be a few passages of scripture to read concerning the value preached about on Sunday. Also, there will be 2-3 practical assignments that will give you an opportunity to practice what was preached about.

Our prayer over the next 6 weeks is that The Next Step guide will be used as an agent of growth, change, and conviction. The principles that we’ll learn about in scripture are simply principles and have no lasting value for our lives until they are practiced and implemented in daily situations.

Our prayer over the next weeks is also that God will continue to bring happily married couples closer, heal the wounds of those marriages that are in current crisis or struggle, and will heal wounds of those that have been through the stresses of failed marriages in the past. Our God is big enough to meet the needs of His people and we pray that you will see the heart of God and the value He places on the marriage relationship.

Scripture passages for this week:

Matthew 18, Luke 15, Matthew 6 and Luke 6

ASSIGNMENTS

“I’m Sorry”: Think back to a specific situation where it meant a lot to you that your spouse was willing to say I’m Sorry.

« In this specific situation, why were those words so relieving to you?

« What might have happened if you or your spouse was not willing to offer those words?

« Are you the type of person that will say I’m Sorry or do you always wait for your spouse to say it? Why?

« Is there any specific area right now where the words I’m Sorry are needed?

« What do you think saying those words communicates to your spouse?

« How does it help in the process of reconciliation?

Talk to your spouse about the importance of knowing that you both are willing to say “I’m Sorry” when you have issues in your marriage and how the end product of reconciliation should always be the goal.

“I Was Wrong”: There may not be more powerful words in marriage than the willingness to admit our faults. Everyone understands that there is no perfect marriage. Everyone understands that we all make mistakes. However, saying I Was Wrong can be some of the most difficult words to say in a marriage.

« Why do you think this is?

« What is your definition of pride or ego?

« Can you share with your spouse a specific time in which your ego or pride got in the way of your marriage?

« Can you think back to a specific situation in your marriage where you didn’t offer these words, but should have?

« Looking back, how does it feel now that you are past the situation?

« What could have been done differently?

« In regard to timing, what does offering the words I Was Wrong do to the process of reconciliation?

« Does it slow it down or speed it up?

« Can you think of an issue in the past where even now if you offered the words I Was Wrong, it might still be healing or beneficial to your marriage?

This may seem silly, but we need to practice saying I Was Wrong. And we need to recognize that it is acceptable to offer these words to one another. This week, practice recognizing when you might be wrong and allowing your spouse to see that you recognize the need to keep your pride in check.

“I Forgive You”: These are possibly the most healing words in a marriage. Every couple has times when grace is not only beneficial but an absolute necessity. Every healthy relationship has a foundation of grace. If grace is not present, the other spouse always feels as if they have to “earn” their love and acceptance.

« What is your definition of grace?

« Where have you received grace?

« According to the scriptures you read this week, what happens if we fail to offer grace to one another?

« Does grace mean that you forget?

« Does grace mean that you are weak?

« Can you think of a specific situation in your marriage currently where your spouse needs to know that they are forgiven, loved, and accepted?

« How does the offer of forgiveness bring healing to a marriage?

« While grace isn’t forgetful, it is a choice. What does the choice to forgive communicate to your spouse?

One of the faults of many spouses is that they “assume” the other spouse knows that they are forgiven. The words “I Forgive You” are a necessary part of the healing process. This week, practice communicating to your spouse that you “forgive” them. Maybe this will be for a current situation or an event in your past that can finally be laid to rest.